Isio Knows Better: An Ode To My Creator

I sincerely lay no claims to being more knowledgeable than anyone, but I do confess that I know better than I did yesterday, last year and a decade ago. Isio Knows Better is an attempt to capture the shocking and highly entertaining conversation within myself. The conversations between my mind (the sharp witty one), my soul (the lover and the spiritual one) and my body (the playful one concerned with the more mundane things of life). She is the eternal referee between the caustic mind and the sensitive soul. This is Isio. So, here’s to making private conversations public.

Enjoy!

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At that moment, I was lying in bed. It was past midnight and I was listening to Toni Braxton’s and Babyface’s “Roller Coaster”. I mulled over my twenties; the roller coaster of emotions I went through. The lessons of life and love I learnt through sweat, blood and tears. As the song kept playing on repeat, my mind created a visual experience to complement the soulful music. I tried to imagine which of my exes I would least like to smack across the nose with a frying pan share this beautiful moment with and say these words to.

At that moment Toni’s voice transcended sound. Toni and Babyface together were simply magic. My appreciation for it allowed the layers of sound, its texture and the lyrics to the song engulf my consciousness completely. Through my ears to my soul, it caressed every part of me.  And it felt something like honey and caramel trickling down my bare skin and something like salty wind through my hair.

Again I mull over my twenties. I loved hard, and I was loved even harder in return.

Roller Coaster.

Just like the song.  And in good times and bad I would have my conversations with God. I am like a last born with her daddy; a teeny tiny part of a magnificent whole, a little part of Him experiencing life. He is my no 1 padi. We have a thing. It is beautiful.

Naturally, I feel my soul flood with love as it does every time I think about my relationship with my Creator. I am filled with a feeling of…

Absolute completeness. Solidness. Peace. Assuredness.

Only through my roller coaster twenties am I aware that the love I have felt for the ones I had loved, was His precious gift to me,  to make my life on earth here more beautiful; because to share love thoroughly,  selflessly and unconditionally with someone is the closest we can ever get to experiencing heaven on earth.

And for the times I had lost in love, I went to Him with the pieces of my broken heart and laid the pieces at His feet, baring my scars, aching to know why I had to suffer so. And He would tell me that this was also His gift and His lesson to me, to teach me to take responsibility for my happiness and not have it dependent on others and material things. That some things were not meant to be permanent.  And that that was okay too. That the beauty of living was in the experience of life, and not in the possession of things or people.

He said to me:

So be grateful little Sun. Be grateful for the salty tears that stain your cheeks. How can you appreciate light if you’ve never experienced darkness? Cry and pout, but understand that this is the perfection in My design, and that your scars are a testimony to this.  So come here, and give your Father a hug and a kiss. There will be no smacking across noses with frying pans, little one.

Then I said to Him:

Hold me; bathe me with your passion. Tell me at dawn, that I am your princess, and at night, show me that you are my King. Tell me the sacred chord David played for you, that I might play music so sweet, the angels would weep with pleasure. You are the lover of my soul, and I am your beloved… thou I am known by many names, the one that You call me, is by far the one that I treasure most.

I lay in bed thinking about You from whom I was formed, and my soul becomes restless with praise- it tells me to speak the language of love to the most beloved God who breathed life into me. So, I say this: A thousand suns can never warm my heart if you cast me from your presence. A thousand diamonds cannot compare to a kiss of your grace. Majesty, I love you – more than any man.

And You love me- of this I have no doubt. You gave me sadness that I may appreciate joy. You gave me loss that I might appreciate life. You broke my heart that You might plant a new one in here. You gave me understanding that I might never trivialize pain. And when I sleep… Lord, when I sleep, I feel your breath. It heals me, fixes me. For every scar, you give me a hundred stars. You are divine, beautiful, just and magnificent. Am I not lucky to call You Father? The God of all gods, the one at whose sacred Word the oceans and seas of the earth remain still, not swallowing this little land of ours in one gulp. They obey You. They all obey You.